I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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