Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
