the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
