i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
