how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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