Cold hands, warm shart.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
