just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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