when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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