I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
