I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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