Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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