just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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