Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
