Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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