The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I bet he comes in French.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
