Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
