You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your penis caused this!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
