i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i believe in u and ur pee
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
