you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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