Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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