A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
