if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
