A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
