I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
