What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I party with great urgency now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
