fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
