so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
