Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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