Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
