The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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