im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
