just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
this beer tastes like vomit already
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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