I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
