Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
