Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
