**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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