Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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