Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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