he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She needs sedatives and a leash
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
