Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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