i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she told me i tasted like america
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
