yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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