I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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