I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
