Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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