I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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