If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
