So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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