Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
