Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
