you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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