I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
