a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
